I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
