We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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