man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
