Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
