You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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