I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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