In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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