Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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