watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
