ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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