i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
