I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
