If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
