cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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