clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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