So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize