you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
