Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you win again, gameday.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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