Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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