Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
