Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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