everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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