I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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