Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
