she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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