3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
