3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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