Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
honey bunches of taint.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
