Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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