Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
