very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
