There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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