Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
