Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
