i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
