you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
