Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
