I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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