Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
