the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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