I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
