I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ladies don't puke and tell
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
