I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
