Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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