my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
