sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
