if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
