I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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