Do you still have your period?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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