we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
