I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
