You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
