my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
