So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
