she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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