i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
