HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There are leaves in my underwear?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
