Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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