Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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