Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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