I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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