I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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