8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
