I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
