Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
